Office Falvour
Matthew Bartolo
Office talk seems to revolt around day-to-day topics, life happenings and a joke here and there in between a task and another, to get going throughout the day. At one point or another, it is very likely that one of these said topics happened to be love, affairs, or sex. We were curious to get to know more about this and who else to ask if not Matthew Bartolo? We reached out to explore three different situations. So let’s talk about Love!
A sex joke is shared at the office. Some laugh out loud in satisfaction, as if they have been waiting for that punchline to happen since dawn of time, others instantly express disgust, a handful smirk politely, while the rest act as if they’ve heard nothing and immerse in their laptops. Same joke. So many different reactions. Why so?
If we’re talking about a joke, and not sexual harassment, it boils down to three main things:
The people’s relationship with the person saying the joke,
The way people relate to sex, and
The way people react to sexuality at the workplace.
Not everyone who laughs at a joke is laughing because they enjoy the joke. Some are just uncomfortable and want to hide that awkwardness and belong, so they laugh it off. Others enjoy it as they see it for what it is, a joke. People who do not laugh at the joke might react that way as they find joking about sex, or, joking about sex at the workplace, as offensive. Their reaction might also be a result of their relationship with their own sexuality and how this is brought up through that joke.
An employer is lately noticing one of his employees acting differently, who seems to be making advances on him suggesting the wish for preferential treatment. The employer feels uncomfortable in this situation, and being a small company there is no HR role in the firm. He doesn’t want to be misunderstood yet feels the need to do something. How can this situation be addressed?
If the employer feels that an employee is making advances on them, and they don’t feel comfortable with it, they should be assertive with that employee and ask them to stop. If they need help in being assertive in this way it would be a good idea to look for help. It would also be good to make someone else aware of the situation, especially since the victim is the employer. In such situations one can feel alone and misunderstood, especially because we don’t really talk about sexual harassment targeted towards the employer as much. Make a colleague aware of what’s going on. Get support to be able to stand up to the perpetrator, and try avoid being alone with such a person. If problem persists do issue an official warning to document the harassment.
Stress at work, feeling misunderstood at home and having endless things to catch up with. “Fancy a coffee?” Yes please, let’s head out. Coffee breaks came to be the favourite time of the day. I feel alive again. It’s not about the coffee. We connect. It could be the start of something more. It could mean more, just as is, and it could mean nothing at all. How common are emotional affairs at the workplace and how are they best dealt with?
We spend long hours at work, most of us spend more time at work than at home. This is another reason why we tend to get close to our colleagues. The stress of work and the long hours together can get us emotionally closer to our colleagues. We build relationships at work and some of those relationships develop further. There’s no substantial research that shows that people have more affairs with work colleagues than anyone else. It is normal for people to start relationships with people they are near to.
In this scenario, the mentioning of “feeling misunderstood at home” is a high risk, not just for an affair to happen, but for couples not to be happy. Most people perceive infidelity as the worst thing that can happen to a relationship. I tend to believe that it is having people who are unsatisfied and unhappy in a relationship that is the worst. Focus on your relationship. Check with your partner how they’re feeling, and remember that you owe it to each other to have a good, fulfilled life together.
Matthew Bartolo
Matthew Bartolo is a warranted counsellor, life skills educator and psychotherapist. He is the founding partner of one of Malta's largest private mental health teams, Willingness Team. He is also founder and partner in other companies, such as The Solutionists, which specialises in finding and offering solutions to individuals and companies who are facing structural, human resources, or PR issues. Bartolo has worked with people from diverse backgrounds and has learnt how self - awareness and discipline are vital for a person to grow. Matthew Bartolo, a TedX speaker has delivered talks and training as far away as Guatemala, Lithuania, Azerbaijan and Gozo.